dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize