your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
