i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
