There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Text me some of your sweat
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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