she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
