My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
