i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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