watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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