State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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