Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
