I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
