WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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