some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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