So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
