I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
