there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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