On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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