My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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