Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize