My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize