If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
