Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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