Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
