new low.... made out with someone while peeing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
