never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
no you cant smoke seaweed
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
