True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
