She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
