trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
