omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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