It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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