Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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