rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
