youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
