she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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