We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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