I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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