Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
