What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Vodka?
Forever.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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