you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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