he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
