you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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