that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
