PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is it penis luge time yet?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
