If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
