I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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