you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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