You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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