you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
