Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Watching her eat just hurts me
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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