I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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