I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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