I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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