i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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