i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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