I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You're like the curious george of whores
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
