I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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