her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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