Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
