Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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