I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
