Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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