Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
