I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
