like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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