M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
