i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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