I cannot find my penis.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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