she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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