I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
