Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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