I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
