She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
